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Second Best Is Really Not Best
2003-05-22, 1:51 a.m.

When we go into relationships where the other person is in a commited relationship, we have to know that person will not leave their significant other. It does happen however, in my instance I would never ask that nor would I think that would happen. Why would it? In some respect that person is getting exactly what they need from both people. I don't fault the other for that. It is just the way humans are. It's not something they're being outright devious or dishonest about. It's just that when you get what you need, why change the way it is? I know this is the way it is, however frustrating.

One has to ask why then, are you in a relationship where someone is already commited to another? That's a great question and I have to keep those answers to myself.

To know that eventually it will end. The thought makes it as though I am unable to breathe. It's almost as if someone is tearing my lungs out through my throat. It is the strangest thing. I would think that someone I have not known that long would not have that affect on me.

Unfortunately, I suppose I am allowing the person featured to have that affect. Even though it is probably wrong, the relationship just doesn't feel wrong. I'm having a hard time grasping that concept. It is a lot of things. Wrong doesn't seem to be what's coming to mind.

It will end and this is something I'm painfully aware of. Of course I don't want it to. I love the person as I thought I would. I love the person more than I knew I could.

I know myself well enough to know that I can't be second best. I've settled for that for a long time. I know deep down I am not second best. I know the person is truly a good person. I know they don't view me as second best. I know they don't want that for me either.


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