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Ana by Choice
2003-05-19, 3:37 a.m.

Fine. I get it. Enough already. I am watching. See, there is a cool calm collected girl perched in my brain. She has it all under control. She is tudying me, and my drama. She knows what is going on and keeps notes.

I keep makign stupid choices. She sees them and from time to time comments on them. Thats okay too.

you all think I have lost my mind. Chasing after that little bastard. Passing up food, and ocassionly making trips to the bathroom when I don't.

I'm going to go into hiding. I'm going to hide my fat ass away and not come out till I am thin again, and then you wil understand why I did it. You can't see it now, but my god I am bueatiful. I let this fat bitch swallow me whole. You look at me and the fat girl is all that you see. YOu still tell me I am pretty.

Pretty. Yeah, and I have a great persoanlity too. So fucking what. That won't even earn me bread and water. In a world created for the smart and gorgeous I am losing the race. I was not meant to be a loser.

He may be a bastard, but he knows me for what I am, a vixen. A women who reeks of all things sexaul. He knows that I can be more than what you see. With so much at risk so what if the method of attaining perfection is dangerous- is it not as harmful to move slowly let my youth dwindle into one fat day after another.

I have made a descion.

I am going to dissolve.

The cool calm collected girl in my head, puts pen to paper, and shakes her head in shame.

-Adipose Who fucking else

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